This past year our older son turned 4. Aside from all the developmental milestones that come with turning 4 there was one we kept repeating to him over and over all 365 days he was 3. That mantra was "When you are 4 you'll use the potty." Now that might seem kinda harsh since most people would say that "he will use the potty when he's ready." Oh, but not our son.
Being a first time mom I wasn't entirely sure what was an appropriate age to start introducing the potty. So I picked 2. I felt it was far enough into his toddlerhood that he would be accepting to the idea. Plus all his friends at daycare were also learning this skill with him. Boy was I wrong! He not only refused even the idea that he would have to use the potty, just the simple mention of the word sent him into a convulsing fit on the floor. To this day the explanation as to why this happened is unclear, but I mean he's a toddler so there doesn't really need to be one.
If we were lucky we could get him to sit on it for at least 30 seconds and that was all! So thinking that 2 was perhaps a little too early, and seeming that he clearly wasn't ready, we scrapped the whole thing until a later time. So we started looking for "signs" that he was ready to potty train. All of which came to pass. He turned 3 and we decided to give it another shot. And as if another year hadn't even passed the same convulsing screaming and crying fit started all over without a skip of a beat. We tried EVERYTHING! We tried bribing with all sorts of treats and food. Nope. We tried using two different urinals. Nope. We tried a small seat that attached to the actual toilet. Nope. We tried reading books on the potty, letting him watch videos while sitting on the potty. Nope, nope, and nope. Nothing at all worked.
Also, when he was 3 we had our second child. With a newborn and toddler refusing to accept the inevitable potty usage I said forget it. I was too tired to fight this fight.
Thus another year went by shelling out money into probably the thousands buying box after box of "pull-ups" because of the resistance to train. We were running out of options.
As for those "signs" we kept hearing about he had met all of them. He would be dry through the night. He would literally wait until he woke in the morning to pee in his pull-up. He knew when he was wet during the day, he knew when he had to use the potty, and he especially didn't like having a poopie pull-up. He knew what the potty was, and how to use it. He just simply wouldn't.
So for a whole year we kept repeating that when he was 4 all of his pull-ups would go away and he would have to use the potty. The age of 4 came and although he repeated over and over that when he was 4 he would use the potty, when it came time to actually use it he refused. He would literally hold his pee for hours until we would give in and give him a pull-up out of fear he was ruining his kidneys in some way.
Now after reading all of this you're probably wondering if he even uses the potty now. The answer is yes. I for the millionth time reached out to Google in search of other moms who may have had a new idea we hadn't tried. After a short search I found one. As I was reading this mothers blog her story was almost identical to mine. The strong willed child who although could use the potty but just simply wouldn't.
I'll stop here to note that the school where my son currently attends Pre-K had named him, officially, the hardest kid they ever had to potty train. Mind you these wonderful women, and mothers also, have been doing this for years! If this was something that could be considered an achievement he would have a plaque on the wall with his name on it.
What was the miracle advise I was given? It's so stupidly simple that I couldn't believe I hadn't tried, or thought of it sooner.
The advise: Let him go COMMANDO. That's right. Absolutely no big boy pants, no diapers, no pull-ups. Just let him be completely naked from the waist down, or totally, and let him go. This miracle advise didn't make him want to use the potty right away. After lots of resistance, and a nice summer day, he made his way outside and started peeing there. Once we were inside after mild discussion (not arguing and throwing a tantrum) he finally started using the potty inside!! It took less than 24 hours.
We continued to give him that safe feeling a pull-up provided for him by letting him wear them only at night while sleeping. After that he wore big boy pants. After a week or so of him doing well and getting used to the continual use of the potty, we took the pull-up away completely. He has had one or two accidents at night. To which my advise for parents is this: act like it doesn't matter. Reassure your child that accidents happen and that it's ok. I just take my son into the bathroom, let him use the potty, change what needs to be changed, reassure him that it's really ok and that accidents happen, then kiss him good-night, and back to bed he goes.
I have to give credit to my husband. That last bit of push for the potty was all him. Although it was my "how-to" find, it was him getting our toddler to the finish line.
Having a toddler who pees in the potty is awesome! We save a ton on not having to buy pull-ups, and I think he feels a sense of accomplishment as well. Now if only we could get him to poop in the potty and not in our yard...
One goal at a time.
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