Being a parent is not easy. Period. Especially being a mother (sorry dads this post is for the moms). From that gloriously surreal moment when you find out that you're going to be mother everything in you changes. Literally. The way you feel, the way you look, the way you think it all changes. And unless you're a total shit person, you are in a constant state of worry that you won't be a great mother.
With this innate worry you will find that you are constantly pushing little things here and little things there for yourself aside. Why? Because your kids need you. And it's true, they do. Because it's what good moms do. We put our kids first. As it should be. However, it doesn't take anything off our plates. Instead, it just piles up until it simply starts to overflow and create bigger messes.
Being a Mom isn't easy, and it never will be. The reasons that it's hard often have little to with your actual children. What makes being a Mom so hard are the expectations to do everything else. A lot of these expectations we put on ourselves but with justified reasons. We look at other moms that are either on Instagram or on TV, in magazines and they look 100% put together. Because someone, somewhere said "This is what a Mom looks like."
So here's my advise to new moms, current moms, moms-to-be, and every mom in-between. I'm here to advise you to say "Fuck that!" It took me a few years to figure this one out on my own through personal trial and error. I felt that while raising my children I had to make sure that everything around me was pristine. That my house should always be in order, that laundry should always be done, sparking kitchen etc etc. The worst part of this expectation was that my post-partumn body was easily going to bounce back into my pre-baby days. It didn't.
I ended up getting to a point where I was internally miserable. I felt awful about myself, and about the level of keeping up I should be doing. So I said "fuck that." I was tired of being tired. I started to focus less on the things that really at the end of day aren't that important. My kids are what is important. So more often than not now I skip doing whatever household chore lies in front of me in leu of spending that time with my children. The chores do get done, but usually in-between playing and around bedtime. Which is also good advise on how to get that shit done. I spend most Fridays not doing laundry and cleaning toys and dishes to taking my kids out and showing them places, letting them have fun. That's the real focus.
As for me feeling like dog poo because of my body. The other epiphany I had was that as much as I love my kids I've gotta do something for me, that helps me feel better about myself. So I started devouring 30 minutes several nights a week to working out. I realize that my body will never look the way it once did. Nor should it. Your body evolves just as you do as a person so why would you expect it to regress? I do however, have a goal of simply being stronger. My goals are different. 10 years ago that goal was to be a size 4. Which was great for me then, but with my "mom-bod" it's all about strength. Now, exercise isn't everyone cup of tea, but something is. Whether it's reading, taking a long bath, getting your nails done, writing a blog find a few minutes through the week for you to do you. Hopefully you have a great partner that you can both split the "me" time with (because I'm sure they could use a little too) it will make it much easier. Maybe you don't have a partner at you and you're a boss mom who's doing it all. Maybe take time before the kids get up or after? Whatever you can do for yourself, do it!
So when your kids are acting "crazy" or having a tantrum because they really just want you attention. Take a look at them and at whatever you happen to be doing and say "fuck that" and go make your kids happy. And know that not doing that something is 100% ok. Those chores will always be there waiting for you, but you're babies won't. So make memories while they are here.
Comments